This is not about prancing and parading my love story but it gives me an amiable and a fond feeling every time I remember this as how sweet it has been. Throughout my relationship with him, most of the times I realize my emotions surpassing and overriding other things which in resulted transforming a good thing into a bad shape. I am easily sad and become sullen, sometimes without a strong reason :p I know I am the bad half and he's that the good half. He is the type of guy who wants to smoothen things out as quickly as possible. He is always trying to find the root of problems every time a misunderstanding between us occured.
On my side, as bad as I am, whenever I am down or maybe 'sulk?' (especially with him :p) it is hard for me to say things out - what more to explain. It needs some time for me to cool down and in those moment my mute button would be triggered. I would stay silence and keep mum (as in a graveyard - he ever referred me that :p). Even worst, sometimes, could it be that I am too overwhelmed (or mmg dogo2), there would be a joint venture between silence and tears :p. I just couldn't force myself talking to soften and clear the mess out right away. I would spit out nonsense if I force to. In the beginning of our relationship, I am even worst than that. There was one occasion in the past, he took an hour (or more) to talk, trying to put things back to normal. I know I am so terrible. (edeeeii...nasib x kana kasi tinggal oh :p)
Every time, when we were having some misunderstandings, normally the emotion is always heavier on me. He is constantly trying, with all words (that I shouldn't act in such way and that he really loves me and that he doesn't mean to hurt me etc), to make things up. As the devil has started to 'possess' myself, as usual I will be deathly silent - without any words - totally muted :p Every time, I would automatically transform myself into a trunk of wood - a dead chunk of wood - all kind of woods (tunggul lah kan). I would return to be 'a normal person' again after 10-15-20-30 minutes having my greatest mute and silence in the world :p It is not that I don't listen or won't care what he is trying to say but I just cannot absorb every single word when I am down and upset. My brain hesitates to accept any words.
There was one occasion, when we visited the Leaning Tower in Miracle Square, Pisa. Instead of going around together and taking photos, he seemed to prefer talking over the phone. Luckily I could entertain myself watching a bunch of tourists in an ecstatic mood, so engrossed capturing photos as creative as they could - having various styles and poses with the tower. Some even came up with funny and weird posing. (I was not sparred either :p). Anyway, his first long phone conversation was fine with me but not with the second one. This time I was completely upset. I felt he had neglected me by having a marathon phone talking :p. I walked away as fast as I could, leaving him behind. He grabbed my hands and said 'come let's take photo'. I refused and continued walking - towards the car.
As usual, there would be two different scenes and characters. He is with his talking skill and I am with my tongue-tied skill :p. He kept on talking and I kept on muting. Suddenly, it was totally out of my expectation, he spontaneously said, 'saya cinta awak' in a perfect pronunciation - flawless! I was stunned for a second! It really induced such a nice feeling hearing him saying it - such an adrenaline rush *kunu*! I was immediately cooled down. As if I was magnetized, I suddenly turned my head and looked at him, without a word. This time I lost my words not because I was upset, instead I was overjoyed in silence. I don't know why though, I didn't admit it in front of him instantly that how sweet he articulated that words. Until now, I don't remember if I ever told him that :p
It was not the case that he never confessed such words to me. He did that even often and every time but this time I felt something different about it. It was so soothing and calming as he uttered them in Malay for the first time and in my bad shape! (mau ajar lagila dlm bahasa murut ni hahaha...). It penetrated deep down in my heart, soothed me spontaneously. Normally, I've never been so quickly cooled down as I used to be every time such incident occurred, despite countless words 'I Love You' popped out! I know I am stubborn.
Now, I wonder if the words Ti Amo gives him the same 'adrenaline rush' :p I do wonder too, how would the feeling be if the same word profess for the second time. Would it be able to sooth me instantly again when I am down or would it feel sheer great only for the first time? (misteri nusantara pula ni).
p.s: still a long entry...now I give up. I think I was meant to write a long story ...huhuhu
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